Dating, Faith, and Finding the Right Balance

Dating can be one of the enjoyable parts of being a teenager. There is something exciting about liking someone and realizing they like you too. Going to a movie, grabbing something to eat, attending a school event together, or simply spending time talking can be a lot of fun. And that's okay.

God created us for relationships. It's natural to want someone special in your life. But as exciting as dating can be, there are some things I hope you'll remember.

1. Enjoy Dating—But Don't Let It Become Your Whole Life

One mistake we sometimes make when we start dating someone is that suddenly everything becomes about that person.

We stop spending as much time with our friends. We quit doing some of the things we used to enjoy. Every free moment is spent together, texting each other, or thinking about the relationship.

The Bible reminds us:

"A friend loveth at all times...” Proverbs 17:17

Don't forget your friends just because you're dating someone.

Your friendships are important. Keep hanging out with your group of friends. Keep doing things with your family. Stay involved in church, sports, activities, and the things you enjoy.

A healthy dating relationship should add something good to your life—not become your entire life.

2. Be Careful With Your Heart

Dating involves emotions, and emotions can become very strong very quickly.

That's why Proverbs gives us some great advice:

"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."  Proverbs 4:23

In other words, guard your heart.

You don't have to give someone your entire heart just because you've gone on a few dates. Take your time. Get to know the person. Pay attention to their character.

How do they treat their parents? How do they treat their friends? How do they treat people who can't do anything for them? Do they respect your boundaries? Do they encourage you to make good decisions?

And here's a really important question:

Does being with this person help you become closer to Christ, or does the relationship slowly pull you away from Him?

3. Set Boundaries Before You Need Them

Physical attraction is a normal part of dating, but it's also an area where you need wisdom and self-control.

The Bible says:

"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication."  1 Thessalonians 4:3

Don't wait until you're alone in a difficult situation to decide where your boundaries are going to be. Talk about them beforehand.

Choose to honor God and each other. Someone who genuinely cares about you won't pressure you to compromise your convictions.

Sometimes one of the most loving things you can say is simply, "We're not going there."

4. Date Someone Who Shares Your Faith

Of all the advice I could give you about dating, this may be the most important: date someone who genuinely loves Jesus.

Paul writes:

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers...” 2 Corinthians 6:14

A yoke joined two animals together so they could walk in the same direction. If one wanted to go one way and the other wanted to go another, there was going to be a problem.

That's a pretty good picture of relationships.

If following Jesus is the most important thing in your life, it will be very difficult to build your closest relationship with someone who doesn't share that commitment.

Don't convince yourself, "Maybe I'll change them."

Instead, look for someone who is already pursuing Christ.

Someone who will pray with you.

Someone who will go to church with you.

Someone who respects God's Word.

Someone who encourages your faith instead of challenging you to compromise it.

You aren't simply looking for someone who makes you happy. You're looking for someone who can walk in the same direction with you.

5. Don't Be in Such a Hurry

Finally, don't feel like you must be dating someone just because everyone else seems to be. You don't.

There is nothing wrong with being single. There is nothing wrong with waiting. And there is certainly nothing wrong with deciding that you're simply not ready to date yet.

Psalm 37:4 says:

"Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4

Your first relationship isn't with the person you're dating. It's with Jesus.

So enjoy your teenage years. Spend time with your friends. Laugh a lot. Go places. Make memories. Get to know people. And if you date someone, enjoy that too. But keep Christ at the center.

Because the best relationship isn't one where two people become obsessed with each other.

It's one where two people are growing closer to Christ—and encouraging each other along the way.

Pastor Tom